"How Do You Do It?"

I would not say that I am pro at long term relationships; frankly the comment; "how do you do it?" freaks me out. You can't explain how to love someone or how to make a relationship work in one conversation; the easiest answer is "It's hard." Everyone sees a long term relationship and hopes that they too can have that relationship but its not that easy - seeing is believing but seeing is not achieving.

I have been with my high school sweetheart for over four years. This relationship may seem amazing from the outside looking in, but from the inside looking in it's something spectacular. It wasn't easy, it wasn't always fun, and it involved a lot of sacrifice. What most people want is to fast forward through the fighting, tears, and difficult conversations and get right to the cuddling, feelings, and love - THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS!

My relationship has served as a learning curve; some of the most important things I learned I wanted to share:

1. Don't Say I Love You Too Soon
God bless Chandler, he was ready to say I love you before I was. I was young and had gone through so many relationships and I wanted to hold on to my love until I was 100% I was ready to give it away. He was my friend and I enjoyed dating him but that doesn't mean I loved him. He told me he loved me and I responded with "I appreciate your feelings but I do not believe that I love you yet."

He kept me around, that comment didn't lead to him leaving. In fact, it made the moment I decided to tell him I loved him that much more special. To my simple " I love you" he answered with "It's about time" and gave me a kiss. This is a moment that our relationship was built on. I never hold it against him that he said it first and he doesn't hold it against me for taking longer to feel it.

If you are really looking for love, don't rush into the 'I love you' those three words will be around forever, wait too long instead of rushing.

2. Don't Possess Him
I am a very territorial person, what's mine is mine. I don't share well, anything. This caused a lot of tensions. At one point I thought I had the right to Chandler when ever I asked. If I told him to do something and he didn't I would get mad. It was almost as if I thought my time and demands were more important than his, and they are not! He has the right to his freedom, I don't own him and he doesn't own me. It wasn't until many fights that it finally clicked that I was creating a gap in our relationship.

So many people think that having a man asking your to change something about yourself they are changing who you are and how dare they. That's where you are wrong, if you care about this person, look at what you are willing to improve in order to make your relationship better. If Chandler asked there are things that I would work/comprise on to make the relationship better, but there are also things that come hell or high water I will not manipulate. And Chandler understands that and I understand that there are something I can not change about him.

Another great part about our relationship is that some of the things that we are incapable of changing that makes us seem incompatible are some of the reasons why we are still together. We each have hobbies that may have received scrutiny from each other, but now those hobbies are a great way for us to preserve our individuality.

Don't try to own him or his time. He is capable of handling himself and his time, if not, you are trying to create a relationship with the wrong person.

3. Save Yourself for Him
I'm not talking necessarily abstinence. I am talking about not flirting with other guys, not dancing with other guys, and not giving away your feelings to other guys. Just because you don't have someone else that you are involved with doesn't mean you're not cheating. Each couple has a different idea of what cheating is and that is something that should be defined within in the relationship once you become comfortable with each other.

Early into our relationship Chandler and I talked about what was okay and not okay. As a girl that always had more guy friends than girls there were perimeters placed on my relationships with them in order to maintain a flow of trust in our relationship. After some rocky times, we have to adapt the standard of cheating.

Emotional cheating is another issue that we have faced. Emotional cheating is not flirting or touching others but sharing issues within our relationship with someone of the opposite gender. This can build a divide, especially if they seek that person out of comfort, it can be come a repeating occurrence and affection is sometimes misconstrued by both parties. Seeking the comfort of someone outside of your relationship can lead to added stress. If you want to talk to someone about what happened talk to your significant other.

Also, if you are thinking about being with someone else during your relationship, don't punish your partner by dragging them along for the ride. Love them and only them. And just because you break up doesn't mean you don't love each other, sometimes you have to love each other enough to know that you are in an unhealthy relationship or you have to see that you are not loving at full capacity and that your partner deserves that much - if you are both looking for love.

4. It's not an eye for an eye
If you decide to adapt this method, do it for the good things. If he pays for dinner one night, offer the next time you go out. But don't play the power struggle game, "he did it so it's okay for me to do it too." I experienced this feeling before the above lesson was learned. He had confided in someone else and despite the feelings of hurt I had, I confided in someone else too. Both of us made discussions we regretted, but mine was filled with more regret. Soon the retaliation battle continued, until we had a huge fight that could have ended our almost four year old relationship.

This is not a method I would recommend. It is a lot of work to come back from an argument based on this method. And it is better to avoid thinking about what the other did the next time you fought. This is a very personal part of our relationship and I am sharing it because I really hope that if you learn anything from this post it is that you don't attempt to equal each other on the negative things/acts, instead forgive and build. (I love you Chandler!)

5. Protect Each Other
Stand up for each other. Even against yourself. Don't let someone bad mouth them in front of you, especially during a fight. Protect him from yourself by not fight so intensely that you change your view of your partner. The mind is powerful and you can make anything worse if you think about it.  Remember all of the good things that they have done for you and all of the challenges you two have over come and place this fight in perceptive - is it worth it? Can we come back from it? Will it advance our relationship? If the answer to these are no, stop fighting and stand back and look at yourself and what you want.

Also, protect each other for stupid fights. Don't fight just to fight. Been there and done that and it sucks for both of you, you often bring up old fights and old feelings and it leads to hurt feelings and nothing good.

6. Call Him Your Best Friend
This takes longer, just because you love someone doesn't mean they are your best friend. When they become your best friend you want to call them after anything happens.

Actual Conversations:
"Chandler! What're you doing?"
"Walking home from class."
"No way, me too! Guess what I just saw!"
"What?"
"You!"

Yes this makes us that gross, mushy couple that everyone swears that they won't become, but it happens. We talk about bodily functions and he always knows the newest gossip. He also knows more about greek life than I think he cares to. If you have been in a long term relationship and do not rank your boyfriend as your best friend, you need to give him more chances. Open up to him with the chance to be your best friend. He isn't replacing your girlfriends. He is adding to your collection. Love him for being your boyfriend and your best friend.

7. Respect Each Other
Many times in our relationship Chandler has said something that lead me to reply with "I respect what you're saying but..." and when I say this, I really do respect what he is saying, feeling, and sharing. I respect that when he is mad at me, when he doesn't want to hang out, and when all he wants is affection. Everyone has heard that trust and communication are the basic building blocks of a relationship; respect should be added to that list, if not the top of the list.

Each of you deserve respect, by being in a relationship together you have chosen to be respectful  of each other. Respect stretches though all aspects of the relationship. If you can't respect each other and their choices, then do you expect them to respect you and the relationship?


This is not a comprehensive list because it would have to have a million points. But these have all proven to be incredibly important in Chandler and I's relationship!

#DearMe :: Prove Them Wrong

Today my friend Gabi posted a #DearMe video and it was beautiful. I'm not as good in front of a camera, so I decided instead of a video to myself, I would write a letter. This letter is to myself but it is advice I would give to my nieces and nephews if they asked (minus a cuss word of course).


Here is Gabi's video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GbZACzTZjww&feature=share

And here is my letter:

I am writing to the Maddi I used to be. To the passive, timid Maddi:
Don't let them push you around. Don't stand there and let someone else set your ideas of who you are. You are not idle in your own decision making, you have choices and you have the final say. Over the next years everyone is going to tell you what you can and can't do - these are not rules, these are the preconceived ideas that people have about your future and they are bullshit. "You're too sweet," "You aren't smart enough," "You're too big." If you want to study medicine, study medicine; if you want to join the circus be the best lion tamer you can be. People are going to tell you a million things about how you should look, how you would feel and who you should be, but they don't matter. Nothing they say matters.

You will be told that you are not skinny enough. Do you know why you aren't skinny? Because you workout, you spend hours working to be stronger but people can't look at you and see that you can bench press your weight, they look at you and see that you can't wear a size 2 dress. But that size 2 dress doesn't make you happy the same way being in the gym makes you happy. So stick to the gym. And potato chips, because you freaking love potato chips!

You will have someone tell you that you will not reach your professional goals. This is strange - how is someone supposed to guess at 14 what  you are supposed to do with your life? You are 19 and still trying to figure it out. You are the one that has to wake up everyday and go do that job. Do believe it when someone tells you 'go to a job and it feels like work, you did something wrong.' Fall in love with something and let that passion build, don't let someone else decide what they think your passion is, they might push you in the wrong direction. You'll explore every major there is until you find the one that will make you happy.

You will work somewhere that will make you believe that it is part of your job to be treated like the bottom man. You will be pushed around by everyone and when you try to quit they will offer you more money - no amount of money is worth sticking around and letting them harass you. You can explain to management a million times why you believe you are being treated inappropriately but that's just how they do it. GET OUT! You'll work somewhere with amazing people and get treated like everyone else.

You will meet an amazing man. This man will show you how to stand up for yourself and how to be strong. Listen to what he has to tell you and take it all to heart. As scary as it may seem, ask him for help, ask him questions because he truly does care about you, and the best part is is that he doesn't even know how big of an impact he has had on your life because he was just being a good friend. Thank you!

That man isn't your boyfriend, but you get a good one and everyone will tell you that 'high school sweethearts don't work out,' they work out if you work for it. You have to put the effort in, just because everyone thinks it's going to fail, doesn't mean it is. It's going to be harder than you thought sometimes but stick in there kid. He will push you further than you can push yourself, just when you stop believing you can - he knows you can.

Your family will always be there for you. But take what they say with a little more than a grain of salt. They are trying to do what's best for you, but they don't always know. They don't know how you feel in your heart or in your mind. They haven't experienced everything you have and they don't feel the same about everything that has happened. Don't let your family choose who you are, but always strive to make them proud by showing them that you are making yourself happy.

Maddi. You are strong. Your parents spent years teaching you right from wrong, trust yourself in your own decisions and if you need help reach out. Prove everyone wrong and show them what you can do, because you are the only one that chooses!


Also, call grandpa more often. You're sitting here 3 years after he passed away and you still cry because you miss him so much! He really does love talking to you, even if you only have a couple minutes. Tell him how much you love him every time you talk.

He won't be the only life lost in the next couple years. You have an amazing community and support system around. Use them if you need help or just need someone to talk to. These lives will change you in ways you didn't know you needed to be changed. And always know that they are with you.

Love yourself,
Maddi

DIY: $8 Crop Top

Last weekend I went out with some friends to a theme party. I didn't own any camo and the smallest lady's camo item was an XL pair of leggings. I bought the leggings thinking if all else fails I can make a head band or something... I ended up turning these pants into a crop top, for $8.
pics or it didn't happen, right?


I told my big (pictured above) about my crafty endeavor and the whole night she told everyone about how crafty I was. So I thought I would share with the Chic Greek readers.

To begin - you need a pair of leggings, I have bought XL and XXL size leggings and I think the XXL worked the best. (I'm on the larger side of a small and smaller side of a medium in shirts).

And some scissors. I like using fabric scissors, because obviously they are used for fabric. But household scissors work too.

Next, lay out the pants leg on top of leg and make sure there the seems match up 100% or you won't be happy with the results. 

 Where the crotch of the pants are, cut about 3.5-4 inches from the longest point.

And that's all it takes. It's super easy and really cheap.

If you don't like the bottom of the shirt you can cut it of, CAUTION: cutting the elastic band shrinks the shirt! Washing a shirt with the bottom cut off changes the way the shirt lays.

Also, remember to remove the tag. 

Thanks for reading!

Kansas Basketball Explained with Gifs

At the University of Kanas, somethings are more important than others. I think the whole nation knows that we celebrate basketball games like it's the fourth of July. It's a ritual; we get all dressed up in our cutest red and blue, we do our hair and make up, we put a sunflower in our hair and wait hours in the cold to watch one of the nations top basketball teams play in true Home of Basketball. If you have never been to a Kansas basketball game you are missing out, but here is a general idea of what goes on.



Packing for your turn to camp:

Girls on game day:

Waiting to get in:

Waiting 3 hours for the game after they let you in Allen Field house:

10 minutes until game time:


Everyone making their paper cones:











When they announce the other team:

When they announce the KU Basketball team:


When an opposing fan walks by:

When the refs make a bullsh*t call:

And Bill knows it

When Perry Ellis makes a ESPN worthy dunk!

And every game Jamari ends up on the ground... Maybe more than once.

When we miss a free throw:

When Cliff is on the court:

When the campus cutie walks by you:


When Frank Mason takes on a 7-footer in the paint and still scores:

When Greene makes that clutch 3


When the refs finally call the foul

When you see how adorable Devonte' Graham is

When someone tells you Sve is 17...

So they tell you again...

When Bill gets angry:

When Landon Lucas swats

When they put in a benchwarmer....



When the other player catches their 5th foul:

When the other team here the Rock Chalk Chant and knows what's coming:

Leaving the Field House like:

The night after the game:



Another feeling KU fans know all too well is the feeling when your favorite player goes pro before they graduate:

SHOP HERE: CHOiES

One of my strange hobbies is to window shop, I especially enjoy window shopping online when it is freezing outside! Today, I window shopped through CHOiES (http://www.choies.com), I really enjoy the items as well as the prices! Here are some of my favorite items, however, in my shopping cart, I found 404 items that if I had $10000 I would purchase! Check it out!

First, $65.99 for these amazingly cute Leopard Pony Plimsolls.
I see these shoes all of the time on Pinterest and have struggled to find them, HERE THEY ARE!

The shoes are more expensive, but I thought these were too cute not to share! These Suede Lace-Up Gladiator Sandals with Gold Heels are also available in black. These adorable shoes will set you back $125. You can decide if it is worth it!

While it's still cold outside, these are a cute addition to any winter outfit! These cute and flirty headband/ear warmers are available in 6 different colors. These winter must-haves are currently $5.99!

More cold weather apparel includes this trendy White Geometry Soft Raw Edge Scarf! This scarf can serve not just as a scarf but a cute shawl! For $30 it could be yours!

I am in love with this item! CHOiES offers them in so many different colors and fabrics! This style costs only $1.90! Get it now!

Statement pants are becoming more and more popular and these pants are right on trend! Adorable & only $22.99, with free shipping!


For only $14.99, try these Floral Print Drawstring Waist Paints!

For those looking forward to Spring and Summer fashions, I'm totally into these cute Leopard Print Loose Shorts! And they are only $9.90!

For the same price, these super adorable and trendy Vintage Floral Print Shorts!

Now to my favorite items: SHIRTS!

This sweater is so simple without being boring! The Simple Knit Sweater with Line Print is only $26.99.

What is also incredibly hot this winter? VESTS! Some vests can cost around $100 CHOiES sells incredibly cute vests for much less than that! Vest 1 is a White Faux Fur Waistcoat with Contrast Fluffy Panel ($39.19-also available in black), the 2nd is the Faux Fur Waistcoat in Leopard ($22.99), the third is a Prussian Blue Cotton-padded Zipper Detail Waistcoat ($29.90), for all of my pink lovers - here is a Pink Chicken Feather Faux Fur Waistcoat ($25.99). It's obvious I am into animal/fluffy vests, however, I have seen vests just like this not only on campus but at chapter and on nights out!

I really enjoy 'lazy style' and oversized printed sweatshirts fit that perfectly, here's a couple obsessions  from the CHOiES website: 1) Black T-shirt with Rose Print ($30.99), 2) White Letter and Floral Print Long Sleeve Sweatshirt ($28.99)

More 'lazy fashion' includes adorable printed Tees. There are a ton on this website, but here are some of my favorites! Gray Dog Print T-shirt with 3/4 Sleeve ($13.90). White Palm Print Color Block Sleeve T-shirt ($18.99). White Letter Print Short Sleeve T-shirt ($18.99). Black V-Neck Letter Print Short Sleeve T-shirt ($17.09-Also in white). White I DON'T WANT MEN Short Sleeve T-shirt ($9.90). White Shine Bright Like A Diamond Pattern T-shirt ($9.90). Gray Tiger Head Pattern Unisex T-shirt ($7.99- also in white). White Postage Stamp Print T-shirt ($27.99).


Let's get dressy:

This dress is cute and girly! I love the ability to dress it up or dress it down with accessories! This Black Floral Embroidery Skate Dress is super affordable at $16.90!


LOVE LOVE LOVE how cute this Multi Floral Camis Skate Dress is! This dress is $24.99 and also available in black and light blue!


This dress would be perfect for chapter! It's super cute and classy! This Multi Floral Long Sleeve Shift Dress with Tassels is on sale for $17.99!

Last but not least: I adore how cute this is! It could be perfect for summer as well as with leggings and boots in the Winter. This Beaded Beach Dress with Embroidered Detail is perfect for more than just the beach at $24.99!


I hope that this will give you a little peak into this awesome shop! I would like to make a disclaimer that I have never purchased anything from this website, so I can not make statements about the quality or the shipping times. However, in the future I do plan to order with this company! Also, just because I featured these items does not mean that they do not have clothing to satisfy other fashion senses!